The Ding-a-ling Factor

Proudly he stands, his head held high, a confident look on his
face, his square jaw set in the sure-fire knowledge that he knows
his destiny, is his own man.  His T-shirt fits him handsomely, the
blue denim shirt flapping in the outdoor air, as he stands on top
of the hill he has recently taken.  His khakis fit securely, snugly
tugging at his… Whoa, hello Al.  Never has one magazine cover picture
caused such a stir before it appeared on newsstands.  If Rolling Stones' November issue, preceded by the October issue
that questioned Dubya’s intelligence (or lack there of), doesn’t
make voters recognize Veep Gore, nothing will.  Even if people don’t
read the article they’ll get a powerful image of our potential president
by way of his pulchritudinous package.  How proud Tipper must be
of her man, and how lucky, considering Al sleeps in the buff.  Obviously,
he’s just too big to be hemmed in!  At least that’s what Rush
Limbaugh suggested last week on two consecutive days on his morning
talk radio show (10.19 and 10.20.00). Once again, it’s the Republican
right that is so intent on making sexuality a potent political issue. 
NationalReview.com
helps prove this point, as Starr's scandal legacy lives on.

First the background… Joy Behar of ABC’s “The View,” in a humorous exchange that Mr. Limbaugh aired in
part on his radio show, asked her audience if they’d seen the picture
of Vice President Al Gore on the cover of Rolling Stone.  Demurring in language, Ms.
Behar made it clear that this photograph showed a very well endowed
Veep, which she felt was sure to swing women voters to Gore in a
big way.  The View's mostly female audience whooped in response
to further comments from Ms. Behar, as she intimated that more than
Gore’s persona is stiff. Mr. Limbaugh talked an entire morning
(10.19.00) about Ms. Behar’s comments and the cover picture of Gore,
including that the Veep was so manly that Rolling Stone had
to significantly air brush Al’s package.  In fact, rumor has it
that Al’s package was so large that it had to be retouched down! 
Rumors abound on exactly who floated the “airbrush” bit of the story. 
The Republicans will probably end up complaining that Gore's package
wasn’t touched down enough.

The main subject of Mr. Limbaugh’s show, however, and I’m paraphrasing
here, was that if women can be swayed by a kiss and a well endowed
man, why should we be taken seriously as voters or thinking individuals. 
Is he kidding?  Men have been drooling, falling over and chasing
after naked women for centuries and they manage to run the world. 
There are few men who can resist a quick glance or comment about
a woman's big breasts or exposed gams or both.  The fox factor has
always been a burden to many women, especially ones that are less
attractive.

Men have been judged solely on their money and status for far too
long.  It’s about time we got down to the package persona of it
all.  When a man is stripped of his armor, his money and the power
of his trappings, what is left?  What has he got to show when he’s
standing there vulnerable and naked before us?  Ask any woman (and
some men).  What a man is packing matters, even if she won’t
admit it openly, but the bottom line of this argument is about quid
pro quo.  Women now have the freedom to comment on endowments,
virility and physical prowess with equal fervor to men.  How do
you like it, boys?  Well, evidently Rush Limbaugh doesn’t like it
or is threatened by it (or both).  What's more important is that
he missed the entire point by focusing on his rival’s cock sure
persona.  At one point, Rush went so far as to play “My Ding-a-ling”
by Chuck Berry, to which I laughed so hard I’d thought I’d choke. 
It was an unbelievable moment in radio history.  I have no doubt
that Senator Lieberman and Mr. Bill Bennett would have presented
this particular Limbaugh show with their damning Silver
Sewer award.

A woman makes a sexist comment on television, something that men
have been doing for decades.  The female audience responds because
it’s so deliciously naughty to subject smarty pants Al to sexual
objectification. It makes his wooden appearance stand for something
human, makes him more Clintonesque, which is a very good thing at
this point. It was a joke amongst a gaggle of gals that have
been on the receiving end of these types of jokes for an eternity. 
It was sorority swagger on stage.  Then a right wing media star
hears about it, including the story supposedly that the photo was
“airbrushed down,” and all the right wing guy can talk about is
presidential packaging.  He doesn’t even take a moment to look at
the Rolling Stone cover picture with a fresh eye.  Immediately
the right wing starts throwing rocks without realizing they fell
for the trap.

It’s the alpha male factor, folks.  Posed in his outdoor ensemble,
Al Gore looks as if he’s perched on top of his mountain, commandeering
his surroundings, his world and our country.  It’s the meat of the
man, boys and girls, with Al in all his environmental, outdoorsy,
woodsman glory.  After months of Naomi Wolf type handlers telling
him how to be, when to be and what to be, Al Gore as pictured on
the cover of Rolling Stone looks like a man in charge.  I
hope the third debate ignited something in the Gore campaign (according
to WashingtonPost.com,
they’re buying cable air time to re-air it!), deciding to take their
candidate for what he is, finally realizing that he might be more
alpha male than previously expected.

Al’s big feet, big hands, big… was something that could have
only gotten steam through the right wing, who has a fatal Starr
complex.  The cover picture is an ode to the Gucci
ad that first made news in Vanity Fair, showing the
physique of a well endowed, happily erect male whose head is cut
off.  It’s a homage to the old saying a picture is worth a thousand
words.  It’s a trap for the Republicans who can’t get their minds
off of other peoples’ sexuality.  Mr. Limbaugh, in his rush to find
the sexual side, misses the entire intent of this cover picture. The real alpha issue is that they knew this picture of Gore would
naturally appeal to women due to his rugged naturalness, but their
intent was to boost Gore's appeal with men, which lags behind Bush,
and help young people identify him.  In this cover picture Gore
presents himself as a man’s man.

Mr. Limbaugh and his Republican flock couldn’t resist bringing
in the sex quotient, because the polls say the nation is more concerned
about restoring morality than in economics right now.  Ironically,
the only way Limbaugh can hype their candidate is by saying he’s
a nice guy who tells good jokes at banquets (10.20.00).  The
stories that appeared in the press at the close of last week all
speculate on whether President Clinton will join the campaign. 
The press, the democrats and an interested public all wonder if
Clinton will join the fray, all the while there are competing stories,
including this WashingtonPost.com
article, stating Gore’s aids want him to maintain his distance from
his boss.

The Republicans are petrified that Clinton will enter the equation
and inspire the democratic base.  To keep Clinton a liability, Limbaugh
even managed to tie Lewinsky back into the race, using the Rolling
Stone cover as rope.  Rush suggested on Friday (10.20.00)
that Clinton might even be jealous of Al’s Rolling Stone
persona, because Paula Jones said supposedly said Clinton’s package
was nothing to write home about!  The Republicans’ worst nightmare
is Clinton campaigning for the Democrats,
so their rank and file minions are bringing back scandal to scare
the Gore people into making a huge mistake.

Speculating what could be airbrushed for Bush, the comment on radio
was that Dubya would need a brain airbrushed in, which is (and should
be) the real issue in this campaign.  Using Rush’s chosen theme
song of the week as premise, Is Dubya really a ding-a ling?  Once
again, you only have to view Slate.com's “Dueling Dubya's” to be reminded of the Governor's profound
ineptitude.  Juxtaposing one presidential candidate that seems affable
but dangerously dimwitted, against his brainy opponent pictured
with his presidential packaging in full view is a particularly humiliating
pop culture indictment for Republicans.  It’s the ding-a-ling factor,
with the
election hanging in the balance of which ding-a-ling factor
matters most?  Will it be Dubya’s “aw shucks” factor or Al’s alpha
aggressive smarts?  Will the people pick style or substance? 
This is spectacular subject matter to be pondering, whether we want
a nice or smart president.  The potency of both presidential
candidates is in full swing these last two weeks.  It’s the politics
of sex engorged.

Does it matter that women are commenting, even reveling in Gore’s
sexuality as shown through the
kiss and his package persona? As if a woman can’t appreciate
a great bulge while simultaneously understanding health care issues. 
Women are the kings of multitasking and layered thought processing. 
Right wing men and some others throw stones at sexually liberated
women, because they’re uncomfortable with the quid pro quo of equally
sexist comments, not understanding that we can be filled with lust
one minute and deal with fiscal responsibility the next.  Anything
you can do we can do, too (well, almost).  In the end, modern women
care deeply about issues and have more passion for men who respect
a woman’s right to her own independent opinions and actions, which
sometimes come sexually charged.  Three whoops for our rock ‘n
roll Vice President, Al Gore, and a yee-ha to Rolling Stone
for not only picturing him at his alpha best, but for making candidate
Al Gore seem manly human.  William Jefferson Clinton has got
to be oh, so proud.

Make the call, Al.  Make
the call.