updated below
“I am now filing for divorce,” she said in a statement. “This came after many unsuccessful efforts at reconciliation, yet I am still dedicated to keeping the process that lies ahead peaceful for our family.” – Jenny Sanford
It’s the signature 21st century bolt action motion. A woman tied to a man who humiliates her so thoroughly in public that she has nothing to gain by staying. She’s got the money and motive, so what’s in it for her to remain, especially when love is lost? Religious faith is no longer the tie that binds, not even for people like Mrs. Jenny Sanford. It’s tough when the man parades his soul mate mistress in public. Worse when so many women don’t have faith to wrap around their marriage vows. Then there is the reality in modern marriage that women are no longer dependent. Take Mrs. Tiger Woods, pictured here, for example, ironically resembling many of the women Mr. Woods has been seeking. Can she be far behind Mrs. Sanford?
Dateline is about to air “The Secret Life of Tiger Woods,” though they might want to rethink that title at this point. The conversation goes like this…
Jungers: “It wasn’t just, like, regular sex”
JUNGERS: it was great. I mean, yeah, he– he was pretty wild…Like, it wasn’t just, like, regular sex. It wasn’t like, boring, married couple sex. Like, it was fun and exciting.
JUNGERS: “It was way more than sex”
TRACY GALLAGHER: And over how many years or months did this relationship take place?
JAIME JUNGER: Almost two years.
TRACY GALLAGHER: So after he was married.
JUNGERS: Yes.
GALLAGHER: So he’s calling you. He’s flying you places. Was this relationship just about sex? Or was it more for you?
JUNGERS: Not at all. It– it was way more than sex. It was very– it was very emotional. I mean, we had– I felt like we had a lot– or I had a lot of feelings towards him. And he showed me that he had a lot of feelings towards me. It wasn’t just a sexual situation, it was– I believe, it– it was love. I loved him. I still love him. …
It never is “just a sexual situation,” even if the rest is built on fantasy. Nothing uncommon about a man with a beautiful wife, including children, not being content to embrace the Madonna and the whore in one woman. Separate paramours required for the wild side we hide. Shame a component of sex for some; as much as risk and thrill of hunting, along with the zing of “new” love.
But right now, Mr. Woods has bigger problems than his marriage. Lawrence O’Donnell, sitting in for Keith Olbermann on “Countdown,” ran it down last night. A British court has blocked any Tiger Woods photos that might exist or have been sold, while Woods’ attorney is doing his best not to admit there actually are any damaging photos worth blocking. Taking this story into an arena that would permanently kill Woods’ marriage, if it’s not dead already, but also humiliating the man so thoroughly that it will take the rest of his golfing career offline, because he’s been so publicly broken.
“For the avoidance of doubt, this order is not to be taken as an admission that any such photographs exist,” Schillings said in a letter sent to legal departments of British publications.
“Our client is not aware of any images and in any event he would not have consented to any such photographs being taken, nor would he have consented to the dissemination or exploitation of the same.”
Mind you, none of this will change how the world turns. The phone sex, escort, stripper lines will continue to burn, as mainstream “family values” hotels continue selling blockbuster pornography for big bucks. The Tiger Woods’ series of smut soon to arrive at a golf resort near you. Not even hypocrisy shaming the righteous, with money the great human equalizer.
Yesterday on Sean Hannity’s radio show he was making the case through an email sent to him by a friend, intimating that faith might be the way back for Tiger. That somehow God made this happen to set Tiger straight, a common notion of people who actually believe our life’s path is of reward and punishment on the way to fulfillment, all of which is directed by someone beyond ourself. Explaining why religion has screwed up so many people.
There is no “secret” life of Tiger Woods or anyone else. There is only denial of our own weaknesses that we refuse to confront, because we can’t crack our own ego.
As Jenny Sanford found out, this journey of transparent knowledge and embrace of self cannot be held together by faith alone. It takes another component. We often find it when our life collapses. ‘Til death do us part a hallow promise, even with children, when our very self is being annihilated by another’s ego. When only our own can save us.
Ego is a voracious master. It wears halo or horns depending on our choices. Our soul the canvas on which it works.
UPDATE: Tiger Woods released a statement. I give him until March 2010, then he’s back:
I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.
I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What’s most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.
After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.
Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.
comments are open
What does this post even mean? Cheating is bad? Ego is bad? Tiger is bad? You seem to have written a whole slew of words without stumbling upon an actual point.
The Tiger man is taking an “indefinite” leave of absence from golf.
Tiger Woods’s statement in full
“I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.
“I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What’s most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.
“After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.
“Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.”
http://bit.ly/52erQf
New Tiger theme song here : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjHJ_snG3RI
And just for fun the soon to be the ex Mrs. Tiger Woods’ theme song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vR6xFCQJS4
It’s a daily double of Connie Francis, you got to love that!
Tiger – where’s your halo?
Tiger is an abomination. This is not a joke – ha ha Tiger fucked a few chicks – Tiger is a disgusting cereal betrayer. She shoulda’ done a Mrs Bobbit on him – only with a lawnmower.
Men – me included – are basically sex organs whose only restraint – apparently – is “lack of opportunity.” Give a guy “unlimited opportunity” and voila – Tiger, Tiger burning bright.
No question women will be better served when science removes the necessity of them having to have to consort with us Tom’s, Dick’s and Tiger’s to have babies. At that point – a fuck will just be a fuck. Love – that’ll be a much rarer thing – and will be beautiful – till the erection receeds.
“Fidelity ___ is simply a matter of Opportunity”
It must be a guy thing pmichael.
Just an astonishingly sad debacle. Taylor, good post.
You’re not kidding, BobbyG. Merry Christmas to you both.
fyi folks, comments appreciated:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/taylor-marsh/the-not-so-secret-life-of_b_389674.html
Spot on discussion Ms Marsh, especially about the soon to be former Mrs. Sanford. Marriage is nothing if it is not about trust. Both Mr. Woods and Gov. Sanford violated that bond. Both mens’ epic narcissism violated the agreement that every committed couple make, that each partner will dedicate themselves to the other person, that a relationship is about we not me.
From burning that particular bridge it is only a hop, skip and a jump to other forms of betrayal.
Tiger’s fall from grace is of no particular surprise. He is a mega celebrity, gone from home for long parts of the year with a constant supply of willing partners. It would take a will of iron not to stray.
It is an odd type of life when marriage to a S.I. swimsuit model is not enough; a deep dark mystery to us mere plebeians. Still, there is ample evidence in the gossip press to indicate that even the most exulted among us have issues with getting satisfaction. Whatever we have it’s never enough, at least for some of us.
Comment moved in toto from the sidebar as per our most gracious blog mistress’ request.
1.”Men – me included – are basically sex organs whose only restraint – apparently – is “lack of opportunity.”
I have NEVER cheated on my wife, either since we were married 6 years ago or in the 11 years I persued her.
2.”Fidelity ___ is simply a matter of Opportunity”
Sorry pmichael, but I have had PLENTY of oppertunities and offers had I cared to. But I was MARRIED. I had sworn to mt wife to be TRUE to her. And besides, why bother getting married if you just want unlimited oppertunities to screw around?
3.It must be a guy thing pmichael.”
No, it is a SOME guys thing. It is a totally selfish, emotionally juvinile, kinda stupid guy thing.
4.”It is an odd type of life when marriage to a S.I. swimsuit model is not enough; a deep dark mystery to us mere plebeians.”
Folks might not believe it to look at me now, but in my younger days and even occasionally today I have had the pleasant experiance to spend quality time with some truly beautiful women. Don’t ask MW why, but they have ALL said it was because I was a great listener and I could make them laugh.
But it was never what she looked like that got me. It was the prefrontal lobes. If she didn’t have GREAT lobes I wasn’t interested. If I couldn’t discuss evolutionary theory or military history or the influence of African masks on Pablo’s abstracts and cubism it didn’t matter WHAT she looked like.
Don’t get me wrong, a BEAUTIFUL woman in a Bikini will get my attention, but only to look. Not with any REAL interest.
My wife is the most intelegent woman I have ever actually known. That she is also a stone FOX just sweetens the relationship.
Hey secular -
#2 above….good for you. And that’s my question as well, why get married? What’s the point? I have never understood why athletes get married. They travel too much, are exposed to too many opportunities, etc.
#3. Thanks for that, I hope you are right.
I say is marriage was over the day he married Elin…The man has never been faith to his wife. Why did he even bother getting married?!!! Now, is he and his wife have been a punchline for all time. Tiger reminds me of Bill Clinton in odd fun house way. He needs to take the entire 2010 off to get his life in order.
Secular,
You are a god among men, that is all I can say. Maybe I spent too much time around Sailors (22 years) but I find myself agreeing with pmichael. I know for a fact that long separation (six months and then some) and easy access (Olongapo / Subic City bar girls) equaled a 99% chance of infidelity among male sailors. Your mileage may vary.
I really don’t know how any of us would react if we were hurled into the type of stratospheric lifestyle Tiger enjoyed. When everything is available at the snap of one’s fingers it must seriously warp one’s personality. Not only can one get jaded, one could feel entitled to whatever one desires.
Steely Dan has an album out called “Can’t buy a thrill.” This is incorrect, one can buy a thrill but the cost is incredibly steep. Tiger was getting his thrills, he was able to express a part of his sexuality that for one reason or another he could not share with his wife. As Taylor pointed out there was the extra added bonus of tasting forbidden fruit.
Most of us can only fantasize about tasting forbidden fruit, Tiger on the other hand had baskets full available to him whenever he desired. As much as I dearly love my wife I really don’t know how I would behave if I was thrust into that lifestyle. I would hope I would remain faithful to her but I am self aware enough that I know that I could very easily fail. I could very easily go off the deep end like Tiger did. There but for the grace of, um whatever, go I.
kris: “I have never understood why athletes get married. They travel too much, are exposed to too many opportunities, etc.”
I just don’t see the connection between travel, money and oppertunity. If you wanted to say ricj folks who travel alot have the oppertunity to screw hollywood definition HOT women who in the end are little more then hookers or “kept” women I might agree. But as to whether they are cheating at any higher a rate then everyday Americans remains to be seen. Paul Newman is a famus example of a rich, everywomans wet dream guy who traveled alot but was faithful to his wife. In fact I used his statement(without attribution…my bad) about hamburger and fillet.
ALOT of guys AND women screw around because they have NEVER reached a level of emotional honesty or maturity necessary to really make a commitment to one person.
spincitysd: “Most of us can only fantasize about tasting forbidden fruit,”
Oh bullshit. Unless you live locked in a room alone there is oppertunity EVERYWHERE to cheat if you are so inclined. All you have to do is DON’T CHEAT and you won’t cheat. PERIOD.
Secular ” All you have to do is DON’T CHEAT and you won’t cheat. PERIOD.”
The only way that works Secular is if one says I won’t cheat today.
Distance does matter and it matters for both partners as does time of separation. It makes the opportunity of infidelity that much more tempting because there is the false belief that you won’t caught. Then there is the very real emotional factors gnawing away at fidelity. Chief among these have to be boredom and loneliness. I have no idea how many sexual relationships grew out of a need for both parties need for companionship. Maybe Taylor has a better grip on this.
Secular all I can tell you from what I observed is that fidelity is a much more difficult thing to maintain than you think. Granted the stresses placed on the relationships of Naval Personnel are extreme, as are others in the military. Still they do give the lie to theories of “emotional maturity.” Given the right set of circumstances just about anyone will crack. I’ve seen too many marriages in the Navy go down in flames to have any other opinion.
This brings me back to Tiger by an admittedly odd route. Tiger too was placed in a very extreme situation by the very nature of his craft and who he was in that craft. All that success, all too soon did not help Tiger’s maturation process. It is real hard to keep one’s perspective after you have been handed the keys to the kingdom before your twentieth birthday.
Not that Tiger gets off that easy, the man had and has some very serious issues going on his life. His bizarre refusal to admit his identity as a black man in America was was a real head-scratcher. Yes the man was mix-race, but please, could he not at least admit that whether or not he liked it most people saw him as “black.” Why did he go out of his way to deny that identity? Something was off, something was not right with Mr. Woods from the beginning.
In the end, at least with Tiger, this story is not even about sex or fidelity. It is about that ancient failing the Greeks called hubris. Tiger was burning bright in the bedroom because he thought he could get away with it. He thought he would not get caught. He thought he could get away with the pretense of his perfect life indefinitely. He thought that he was immune from the pop culture, celebrity feeding frenzy that is our default these days. He forgot how much joy we have in shredding our heroes; how much we love tearing down the people we place on pedestals. He forgot that the only thing separating fame from infamy was a deftly wielded wedge deployed by a jilted wife.