cross-posted and expanded at Huffington Post
According to ABC News (with video), Elizabeth Edwards “may be preparing to sue her husband’s longtime aide for allegedly contributing to the demise of her marriage.” Mrs. Edwards also making demands of Andrew Young, while threatening to charge him with “alienation of affection.” Whether she does or not is immaterial at this point, because the choices of Mrs. Edwards long ago doomed her.
Covering for her husband to keep his presidential hopes alive. Putting her own credibility on the line for something that she had to know would eventually unravel. Fighting a physical assault while living a lie. Writing a book to find a pathway through, but forgetting that the only way to get out is by accepting and facing the truth. The embarrassment of negotiating a ban of Reille Hunter’s name on Oprah. John Edwards admitting the affair, continuing to lie about the extent of it. The alliance of a child ignored. Mrs. Edwards’ coming completely unglued during the falsely laid presidential campaign now in print for all to see, as her friends rally around her, saying it’s true, but who can blame her? The book from the aide who kept the secret and put his life on the line. The sex tape rumors. The latest from the National Enquirer that according to the Enquirer, John Edwards proposed to Reille Hunter and she has accepted. This being denied from an Edwards’ spokesperson, for what that’s worth at this stage. Yet, Elizabeth Edwards “may” decide to go after Andrew Young for ruining her marriage.
After “Game Change” broke the story on Elizabeth Edwards, followed by friends writing that the behavior depicted was true, there still hasn’t been very much talk about Mrs. Edwards’ culpability in the whole presidential campaign charade and what it says about her own character. Many people understandably sympathetic towards her, but also giving her a pass on her own behavior, because of the horrendous tragedies she’s faced, the unspeakable loss of her son, then the debilitating unfairness of being struck with incurable cancer. The unfairness is choking. Let’s hope she finds peace, but there is still much reckoning for the covering and lying she did for her husband, which cannot be excused even by her incredible challenges, which I so respect and for which I have much sympathy.
See, I watched my mother fight for well over ten years with the worst kind of lymphoma you can imagine. Operation after operation, in the midst of learning how to make a living, with my father’s death revealing she didn’t even know where he kept the checkbook, let alone the state of their finances. When she finally got work, we used to celebrate when she’d get a nickel raise, which came every several months. My mother a woman who had to learn to make a living in life with no skills, a young daughter of never ending dreams and ambitions to raise, with no road map on how she’d help get it done; the only goal in her heart was for me to fly high. After one of her last operations, she came out of it with her entire head in a cast, only one eye showing, the surgeon having to break bones to rip the cancer from her body, for the umpteenth time. We worked together, me helping her learn to talk well all over again. But never once in all these torturous years did my mother lose her dignity, her faith, or ever think of taking advantage of someone else, though she and I had very rough times due to other horrific realities we never would face together before she died, but stalked us every day. I’ve never written about this because it’s wrenching to the point of distraction for me to recall, as her death was as violent as you can imagine, more so than I can retell; the whole thing practically paralyzes me to this day to even recall, as the horror haunts me still. A wrenching choice the difference in saving my own soul. I tell this tale finally to say that there is no excuse for selling out people because of burdens you face. Many others have fought like my mother, who until the end, against all odds, kept her dignity and never acted out in a manner unbecoming of the person she was when she was well. In the end raising a daughter who remains undaunted through the amazing ride of successes, failures, rises, falls, highs, and backbreaking lows, while facing life faithfully fearless, because of the woman who came before her who gave her a life.
People battle horrific illnesses every day and never stoop to taking people hostage over it. Let alone letting the actual monster in the maelstrom off the hook.
There was a far flung hope that just maybe, with Elizabeth finally accepting the loss of her greatest love and moving on legally separating from John, there would be some peace to find within her own personal world, maybe even her own realization of what she cost herself. I certainly wish her nothing but peace. But if the news about her going after Andrew Young is true it seems that Mrs. Edwards hasn’t learned a thing.
It’s all the woman’s fault when things you know about and hide end up spiraling out of control. Mrs. Edwards initially a victim of John’s ego, the realization of what he’d done a moment to escape for her own self-preservation. But somewhere in this mess she decided that keeping John was worth more than keeping her self-respect; and that she could retain love that was long gone. What she did for love the worst example I’ve seen of an abused wife who can’t let go of her abuser. A tragic tale of ego and self-destruction over which, after the initial betrayal was known, Elizabeth Edwards could have controlled, especially if she’d come clean herself about what the knowledge of Mr. Edwards’ betrayal had done to her and how she’d acted out during the presidential season.
If only Elizabeth Edwards’ book had been about that; about John Edwards’ lying, depraved duplicity, her own cowardice in refusing to stand up to him, instead of the story she chose to tell, however important. If the threats of her unleashing what she knows about her husband in divorce court turn out to be true, well, she may finally be set free.
No man is worth one-half the grief of this sorry saga. That Elizabeth Edwards continued to sell her own soul for his affections, which she lost anyway, offers a very public example of what can happen when a woman puts herself behind the man, which in the end gets you nothing; your ego in command leading to your own self-destruction. For once this kind of man knows you’ll do anything for him, you just become his whipping post, but you also end up responsible for the damage done to other people’s lives.
As for John Edwards, at least his daughter with Ms. Hunter will know she had a father. Someone who is a completely different man than the one who ran for president, because that person never existed in the first place. The enablers around him protecting his fantasy persona.
Elizabeth Edwards was a primary player in this modern Shakespearean tragedy, where no one has been spared, least of all Mrs. Edwards, who lost everything, including herself.
Photo via doc_furious montage
