cross-posted and expanded at Huffington Post
According to ABC News (with video), Elizabeth Edwards “may be preparing to sue her husband’s longtime aide for allegedly contributing to the demise of her marriage.” Mrs. Edwards also making demands of Andrew Young, while threatening to charge him with “alienation of affection.” Whether she does or not is immaterial at this point, because the choices of Mrs. Edwards long ago doomed her.
Covering for her husband to keep his presidential hopes alive. Putting her own credibility on the line for something that she had to know would eventually unravel. Fighting a physical assault while living a lie. Writing a book to find a pathway through, but forgetting that the only way to get out is by accepting and facing the truth. The embarrassment of negotiating a ban of Reille Hunter’s name on Oprah. John Edwards admitting the affair, continuing to lie about the extent of it. The alliance of a child ignored. Mrs. Edwards’ coming completely unglued during the falsely laid presidential campaign now in print for all to see, as her friends rally around her, saying it’s true, but who can blame her? The book from the aide who kept the secret and put his life on the line. The sex tape rumors. The latest from the National Enquirer that according to the Enquirer, John Edwards proposed to Reille Hunter and she has accepted. This being denied from an Edwards’ spokesperson, for what that’s worth at this stage. Yet, Elizabeth Edwards “may” decide to go after Andrew Young for ruining her marriage.
After “Game Change” broke the story on Elizabeth Edwards, followed by friends writing that the behavior depicted was true, there still hasn’t been very much talk about Mrs. Edwards’ culpability in the whole presidential campaign charade and what it says about her own character. Many people understandably sympathetic towards her, but also giving her a pass on her own behavior, because of the horrendous tragedies she’s faced, the unspeakable loss of her son, then the debilitating unfairness of being struck with incurable cancer. The unfairness is choking. Let’s hope she finds peace, but there is still much reckoning for the covering and lying she did for her husband, which cannot be excused even by her incredible challenges, which I so respect and for which I have much sympathy.
See, I watched my mother fight for well over ten years with the worst kind of lymphoma you can imagine. Operation after operation, in the midst of learning how to make a living, with my father’s death revealing she didn’t even know where he kept the checkbook, let alone the state of their finances. When she finally got work, we used to celebrate when she’d get a nickel raise, which came every several months. My mother a woman who had to learn to make a living in life with no skills, a young daughter of never ending dreams and ambitions to raise, with no road map on how she’d help get it done; the only goal in her heart was for me to fly high. After one of her last operations, she came out of it with her entire head in a cast, only one eye showing, the surgeon having to break bones to rip the cancer from her body, for the umpteenth time. We worked together, me helping her learn to talk well all over again. But never once in all these torturous years did my mother lose her dignity, her faith, or ever think of taking advantage of someone else, though she and I had very rough times due to other horrific realities we never would face together before she died, but stalked us every day. I’ve never written about this because it’s wrenching to the point of distraction for me to recall, as her death was as violent as you can imagine, more so than I can retell; the whole thing practically paralyzes me to this day to even recall, as the horror haunts me still. A wrenching choice the difference in saving my own soul. I tell this tale finally to say that there is no excuse for selling out people because of burdens you face. Many others have fought like my mother, who until the end, against all odds, kept her dignity and never acted out in a manner unbecoming of the person she was when she was well. In the end raising a daughter who remains undaunted through the amazing ride of successes, failures, rises, falls, highs, and backbreaking lows, while facing life faithfully fearless, because of the woman who came before her who gave her a life.
People battle horrific illnesses every day and never stoop to taking people hostage over it. Let alone letting the actual monster in the maelstrom off the hook.
There was a far flung hope that just maybe, with Elizabeth finally accepting the loss of her greatest love and moving on legally separating from John, there would be some peace to find within her own personal world, maybe even her own realization of what she cost herself. I certainly wish her nothing but peace. But if the news about her going after Andrew Young is true it seems that Mrs. Edwards hasn’t learned a thing.
It’s all the woman’s fault when things you know about and hide end up spiraling out of control. Mrs. Edwards initially a victim of John’s ego, the realization of what he’d done a moment to escape for her own self-preservation. But somewhere in this mess she decided that keeping John was worth more than keeping her self-respect; and that she could retain love that was long gone. What she did for love the worst example I’ve seen of an abused wife who can’t let go of her abuser. A tragic tale of ego and self-destruction over which, after the initial betrayal was known, Elizabeth Edwards could have controlled, especially if she’d come clean herself about what the knowledge of Mr. Edwards’ betrayal had done to her and how she’d acted out during the presidential season.
If only Elizabeth Edwards’ book had been about that; about John Edwards’ lying, depraved duplicity, her own cowardice in refusing to stand up to him, instead of the story she chose to tell, however important. If the threats of her unleashing what she knows about her husband in divorce court turn out to be true, well, she may finally be set free.
No man is worth one-half the grief of this sorry saga. That Elizabeth Edwards continued to sell her own soul for his affections, which she lost anyway, offers a very public example of what can happen when a woman puts herself behind the man, which in the end gets you nothing; your ego in command leading to your own self-destruction. For once this kind of man knows you’ll do anything for him, you just become his whipping post, but you also end up responsible for the damage done to other people’s lives.
As for John Edwards, at least his daughter with Ms. Hunter will know she had a father. Someone who is a completely different man than the one who ran for president, because that person never existed in the first place. The enablers around him protecting his fantasy persona.
Elizabeth Edwards was a primary player in this modern Shakespearean tragedy, where no one has been spared, least of all Mrs. Edwards, who lost everything, including herself.
Photo via doc_furious montage
I don’t feel the least little bit sorry for any of these cretins. I do feel badly for all of the children and that Elizabeth must suffer and endure incurable cancer. Peace
Enough, ENOUGH, E-N-O-U-G-H already with this soap opera of disfuntionality.
I am apalled that edwards has proven to be as sleazy and utterly without morals as he has and that he got that close to the nomination. APALLED!
AND I am even MORE sickened with this necrofeliac hounding of Elizabeth. She set herself up for a Greek Tragedy of an end to her life by covering for this piece of scum…but SHE did it. SHE went along with this and nearly foisted on America another circus maximus for the repugnantklan and their buddies the MSM.
ENOUGH!
Thank you for sharing the story about your mother, Taylor. I have an idea of what she endured Having watched someone I love endure the same type of battle, and I marvel at her courage to face what she faced, and to be the person she was, dignity and all. Once we lose our dignity we have lost our humanity. Your mom was a wonderful human being and I’m glad you wrote about her. I’m in tears.
A very moving story about your mother Taylor.
Thank you for sharing.
The Edwards thing. You nailed it. But as Secular said, enough about these people. This sleazy story may tempt CBS to reinstate their Monday night at the movies. Elizabeth Edwards reminds me of Betty Broderick. Remember her?
I, too, thank you Taylor.
Ramsgate:
Yes I remember Betty Broderick, and I remember Dan. I lived in San Diego when the whole circus came to town. Now that was a couple that put the fun in dysfunction.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betty_Broderick
God, what Taylor could mine out of that mother-load of relationship fools-gold.
Let’s hope that the story does not end the same way it did for Betty and Dan.
Secular;
I hear you, nothing would be better than both E.E. and J.E. to slither back under the rock that they crawled from underneath; but it ain’t going to happen.
If the portrait of E.E. offered in “The Candidate” is anywhere near the truth she has not began to inflict us with her presence. It looks like she has her her broadsword out and is looking for heads to chop off with it.
IT’S A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE
IT’S A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE
IT’S FIVE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING
AND YOU’RE JUST GETTING IN
YOU KNOCK ON THE FRONT DOOR
AND A VOICE SWEET AND LOW SAYS
“WHO IS IT?”
SHE OPENS UP THE DOOR AND LETS YOU IN
NEVER ONCE ASKS WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
SHE SAYS “ARE YOU HUNGRY?
DID YOU EAT YET?
LET ME HANG UP YOUR COAT
PASS ME YOUR HAT”
ALL THE TIME SHE’S SMILING
NEVER ONCE RAISES HER VOICE
IT’S FIVE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING
YOU DON’T GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT
IT’S A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE
(REPEAT)
THE SWEETEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD
COULD BE THE MEANEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD
IF YOU MAKE HER THAT WAY
YOU KEEP HURTING HER
SHE’LL KEEP BEING QUIET
SHE MIGHT BE HOLDING SOMETHING INSIDE
THAT’LL REALLY, REALLY HURT YOU ONE DAY
I SEE HER IN THE HOSPITAL
BANDAGED FROM FOOT TO HEAD
IN A STATE OF SHOCK
JUST THAT MUCH FROM BEING DEAD
YOU COULDN’T BELIEVE THE GIRL
WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS, HA
YOU DIDN’T THINK THE GIRL HAD THE NERVE
BUT HERE YOU ARE
I GUESS ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS
IT’S A THIN LINE BETWEEN LOVE AND HATE
(REPEAT)
Original song by The Persuaders
And Ms. marsh I want to apologize for not taking note of your sharing your mother’s and your story.
I had to take a few moments to collect myself. My own mother died earlyer this year after my junkey sister died last Dec.
The subject of someone keeping their dignity is a very, very painful one as between my sister’s parasitic actions destroying my mothers finances and home and my mothers subsequent death from her OWN addiction to nicotine and the resulting COPD and her deteriorating mental state I would say dignity was lost awhile ago.
We didn’t have a perfect relationship but one thing my mother was, was strong. To watch her slowely shrink until where once the strong, even frightening woman once stood now a confused, frightened delussional being just waiting to die was frankly more then I could take.
Your mother sounds like a remarkable person. I envy you your memories of her and her incredible dignity under incredible circumstances.
TM
Great Article; kudos to 1 x 10^100 power and then some. Thanks for writing about how cancer touched you. It was an very brave and honest thing to do.
The Edwards story is a tragedy as it was first understood by the Greeks. The flaws of the people involved brought them to disaster. The main flaw was exactly the same as noted by the ancient Greeks:Hubris. The only difference between ancient Greece and now is that the agency of retribution: back then it was the immortal Gods; today it is the tabloid media.
Same thing really.
Powerful sharing Taylor.Now we know where your toughness comes from. Thanks for trusting us with the memory.
Honestly,I never really bought into the the happy marriage myth.They don’t match.I had it pegged wrong, I thought he was gay.Silly me. It was because he was such a dandy.Don’t get mad at me gay guys
While I have always had great sympathy for Elizabeth,how can you not, I thought her other choices in life were immature and irresponsible.I am referring to her two younger children. Maybe others will say I am wrong but I think it is irresponsible to purposely have children late in life (she was over 50).You are short changing them from the start.I think it is a selfish act. She appears to have deep immaturity and a lack of wisdom. I hope seem can find some sort of peace but she sure seems to be going the other direction.
I, too, hope she can find peace. But hers is not a tragedy imho. There are certainly tragic elements, But EE will have the best health care money can buy, she will not be in danger of losing her home, she needs not worry about a job, she does not worry about how she’ll put food on the table or care for her children. And soon, she is likely to be free of a slug of a husband.
I’m not disillusioned that she may have raved and been less than cordial in her anger. I, too, would say “what would you expect” under the same circumstances. It is sad, very sad.
L.L.
J.E. was “metrosexual” before the term was even invented. If he had not become a trial lawyer most likely he would have become a gigolo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kCAFkfFLQQ
Locals in N.C. claim to have had the goods on J.E.’s lack of marital fidelity for a long, long, long, long time. Still the Breck Boy was able to dodge the Media Pack for more than nine months. His team was able to keep Ms. Hunter out of the lime-light for an inordinate amount of time.
Still one wonders what would have happened with the Edwards Campaign if they did not have the distraction of the paramour to deal with. Iowa was a near run thing for J.E., what could his team have achieved if it did not have to deal with the toxic relationship dynamics of John, Elizabeth, and the third wheel?
djjl:
Matthew 16:26
“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?”
TM is right, as she usually is about these kind of things. E.E. surrendered her very being for ambition. That is the tragedy. She may have material wealth but the very core of her being is a dark and bitter place. Neither money nor the most advanced medicines can treat the empty place in her heart. There is no way she can purchase self affirmation. Hers is a truly lost soul. The only cure here is what A.A.calls “a searching and fearless moral inventory of {herself}” Until she admits to how she fed “the Ego Monster” that was John Edwards, closure is a distant and unreachable dream.
I would agree on that level spincitysd. But I don’t feel sorry for EE. There are many, many others who are deserving of that care. Not JE or EE.
OT
POLITICO Breaking News:
—————————————————–
Rhode Island Democratic Rep. Patrick Kennedy, the son of the late Sen. Edward Kennedy, will not seek reelection this year, two sources familiar with the matter tell POLITICO.
Thanks to you all for your kind words, all of you, really.
Now we know where your toughness comes from.
Yeah, no doubt about it.
The Edwardses’ saga is so Shakespearean that it simply had to be noted it full.
For far too long it was ignored, with those close to the story staying silent. It’s how we get fraudulent leaders. Vigilance requires we not look away so it doesn’t happen again.
You are so right Taylor. Thank you again.
Sorry to read about your mom. Our experiences are similar.
Heya djjl. We need to keep reminding ourselves. Politicians are simply people. We must never render protecting them more important than the country we cherish.
A lot of people share the same burdens, watching loved ones, amabomon, as secularh also showed.
As for the Edwards case, most of you need to learn empathy. Not one of you know what was going through Elizabeth’s head when she first found out about the affair. Maybe she didn’t know the whole story herself at that time. Maybe her marriage had actually been good up until that point? Her creepy husband, after finding out about her cancer decided to treat her like crap. He deserves the wrath more than anyone, with the home wrecking hussy Rielle a close second. Rielle deserves to be sued for her culpability.
Comments about her age when having her youngest children are also extremely unfair. They Edwards have the means, time, and the love to give them. At the time of conception, it was conceivable that Elizabeth and John could live another 30 to 40 years based on a typical life expectancy. There young children could well have been into adulthood before the expected passing of their parents. They wanted to be blessed with children so why judge them?
Finally, instead of worrying about the Edwards background, maybe that time could be better spent doing real journalism on our president’s secretive background. After all, this part of Taylor’s post … “Someone who is a completely different man than the one who ran for president, because that person never existed in the first place. The enablers around him protecting his fantasy persona.” … could easily have been written about Barack Obama.
John Edwards was a slimeball for putting Elizabeth in a position that probably forced her to lie for him. I’d give Elizabeth a little slack considering the emotional trauma that he put her through.
You need to re-read what I wrote.
a moving portrait of eliz edwards , her husband and the prices paid for his actions. and hers. the story of your mother is heart wrenching. clearly u inherited her great strength.
diji
saw that about rep kennedy. im surprised then again it must suck being a dem ina paralyzed congress. the folks who gave a damn, dreaming of a dem majority to get done the things the kennedys cared about only to find their dreams crumbling in chaos must be profound. rep kennedy had lots of drug problems etc. i think he is ready to get out of dc and do something else for himself. lets hope dems can hold this seat.
Hi Taylor — I too appreciate what you wrote about your mother. What an amazing woman …. I am fortunate to still have an incredible, strong, vibrant, and beautiful mother … who happens to live within walking distance. My mom is my rock and I cannot imagine what it will be like when she is no longer here. Thanks for sharing with us.
….”kept her dignity and never acted out in a manner unbecoming of the person she was when she was well”. TM
Wow! Brought tears to my eyes as I read the account of your Mom. It so reminded me of my late mother. That’s what I learned from her. No matter how disabled she became in the later years, she always said that some folks had it worse. She had lots of medical problems, high blood pressure, heart troubles, severe osteoarthritis, etc. I remember the day when it took her a long time to get up from her recliner and was walking slowly with a walker, and she stopped and said to me, “It’s never going to be any better, I’m not going to get any better, this is the way it’s going to be”. And we cried together. But, when she’d struggle to get up from her chair, she’d say something like “Come on, bones, we have to get going here”, to try to will her body to obey and also to try to cheer me as I witnessed her decline. It was long and hard. But, I’ve never forgotten what she taught me, and it is so much more than I thought at the time.
I was a single Mom and my mother was struggling, so she moved in with me. It was not easy being in the middle of two generations, but we were a family and I so cherish those memories now. And, my daughter learned the lessons her Grandma taught, as well. All thru my daughter’s many struggles with cancer, I could see the strength of my mother in her. After the treatment, she ended up with many health issues that continue to this day. She is often in lots of pain and strange symptoms that the Drs. can’t seem to diagnose. How does she get through it? With humor and strength, just like her grandmother.
When I get down, all I have to do is remember my mother and look to my daughter, and I know I haven’t had any struggle that compares with what they had/are dealing with.
Thank you, Taylor. As I’ve said before, I am *here* with you and the commenters every day, I just don’t comment often.
As for JE, I never did care for him – he seemed too slick to me. I empathized with EE because of her cancer, but not her choices.
Hey Velvet, as always, thanks for taking the time to chime in.
Heya t4h, there’s also a point when your own sanity comes into play, re: Kennedy, who’s been struggling with so many personal issues, then the loss of his dad.
I’ve heard from a lot of people on this one, I appreciate it.
Taylor, you were so incredibly precise in your analysis and thoughts about the Edwards situation.
Your mom sounds like she was a very strong and good souled woman. It is obvious the apple did not far from that tree.
Thanks getty1206, that’s very sweet of you to say.
Actually, I don’t need to reread your comments as I have read your post 3 times already. A portion of my comments was in response to what you wrote, but much of my comments were written in response to the other comments that were written by those who read your post.
Got it, amabomon.
Velvet says:
12 February 2010 at 10:09 am
Thanks for sharing. How heartfelt and real your words are. I felt every one of them.
amabomon
It takes two to tango and E.E. was partnering up with J.E. in very unhealthful ways. It may feel good to have J.E. be the sole miscreant in this drama, but that is not how it works in reality. She helped to make this bed, and now she must lie in it. No one “forced” E.E. to do this, she made a choice. Choices have consequences, sometimes very negative ones.
E.E. does earn a bit of empathy in that she was all too human in her failings. She earns a bit of empathy in the hopes and wishes of some of us that she finds a path to closure. But sympathy is a stretch. As a women wronged, she might be due some sympathy but not too much. If the stories of J.E. serial infidelities are true; well, fool me once, etc. One of my big beefs with Hillary is her tolerance of Bill’s extracurricular activities. I see no good reason for anyone to put up with an unfaithful partner; period.
More to the point, there is no way even a shallow, narcissistic cad like J.E. would stick with a zaftig fruit-loop like Hunter, unless she was providing something that was sorely missing with J.E.’s relationship with E.E. It was something more than sex, that is for sure. Men like J.E. can purchase the most extreme of sexual experiences, and on a nightly basis, if they so desire. Hunter may have provided the pull, but dollars to doughnuts E.E. was providing some kind of shove. Even if was unconscious, she was the one aiding and abetting the destruction of the marriage. Most likely she was her own worst enemy. Sometimes a codependent enabler engenders sympathy, other times empathy and many times they garner nothing but contempt. It is complex,and even more so when all three emotions come to the fore when thinking about one person.
The most sympathetic spin one can put on this is that the one-two punch of Cancer and loosing a son put the relationship into a death spiral, which both partners contributed to. A more cynical interpretation is that Karma finally put a hurting on two people who richly deserved it. Be assured of one central fact, both parties contributed to the ruin of the relationship and especially the way it played out. It really does take two to tango, and E.E. could have left the dance floor any time before the disco ball fell on her head.